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From Conflict Management to Conflict Curiosity

What is the best way to avoid or manage conflict? I hate conflict as much as the next person, but there is an interesting paradox here. If you get interested in the conflict or issue, then a lot of the fire or fury can quickly be taken down a notch. People tend to press their issue until they can get it heard. So, if you can get yourself interested in finding, being available for, and listening to issues, then it is likely you will have less conflict to deal with, and the issues you do have will get resolved quickly.

If the angry person feels like they are being listened to, they soon find they don’t have as much to say. It is disarming for people when they are met with an opportunity to be heard. This does require that we as leaders must muster the courage to be interested and to listen. We all know what Ted Lasso would say! “Be curious. Not judgmental.” Easier said than done. Like most leaders and business owners, I just want the problem to go away. But similar to a Chinese finger trap, you must get into it, to get out of it. 

One of the many valuable things I learned from my business coach, John Barron, is that my job as a CEO is to be up in the crow’s nest. Up in the nest, I’m looking out ahead to see if there is any smoke, so any fire can be put out quickly. I’m looking for roadblocks and icebergs. I’m also readily available to my managers for the topic of issues! I’m a big open welcoming space when it comes to issues. Why? Because that’s my job! I’m the Issue Monster (think Cookie Monster, my GenX friends).

When all is going according to plan, my managers can run this company well. They need their CEO when issues arise. So, I cannot be frustrated or annoyed with them when they bring me issues or conflicts.

A warning: If you do not nail an issue shut, it will return. Somewhere, somehow, someway, it will return. And you will know in your heart of hearts, “Ya, we didn’t fully resolve that issue. We just made it go away.” If you do the real work to resolve the actual issue, it will be nailed shut and you can move on. Don’t forget to take your Lessons Learned with you!

  • Conflict comes with anything worthwhile (no matter how right you think you are, there will always be people who disagree, and some who will even bark about it. Remember high school? Life is still like that sometimes.)
  • If you want no conflict, surround yourself with staff, clients, friends, and family who 100% agree with you all the time (now there’s a boring life with no richness).
  • Sometimes the only way out is through (and it is often the fastest).
  • What you resist persists (if you want the problem to linger, keep avoiding actively resolving it, but continue to talk about it a lot.)
  • As a leader, if you are proactively looking for potential issues, guess what? You will find them. (but the good news is, you found them before they found you!)
  • The longer a client or a staff member goes without hearing from you about an issue, the more they believe what they think to be true about you or the situation. (Their view quickly becomes the “truth” for them.)
  • Resolution is better than the right or perfect outcome (you may not like what you have to do to resolve the issue, but you will get the reward of the issue being resolved. Said another way, “better done than perfect.”)

Gina Cotner, CEO, Athena Executive Services

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Are you interested in learning more about hiring your own Virtual Executive Assistant? Click here to schedule a free consultation with us.

 

 

 

 

Learning and Growing Together

A couple weeks ago we had our Athena Leadership retreat. This happens a couple times a year with me and our two managers, Jennifer and Dorian. We met together right back where we were last January, in Pismo Beach, California. This is one of my happy places. It’s on the central coast of California. It’s never too hot and never too cold there. (However, as I write this today, it is getting pummeled with rain and wind).

Dorian drove up from LA and Jennifer flew from Peoria, IL. Jennifer had one of those travel days that we’ve all had at one point, where one delayed flight, leads to an enormous layover somewhere, and then you reconfigure and reconfigure your itinerary until you end up getting as close as you can to where you’re going, and then say “Screw it! I’ll get a driver service to get me the rest of the way.” So, at midnight after being awake for 20 hours, she arrived. And when she was good and ready to wake up the next morning, we began.

The retreat was a time for being open, curious and audacious. Thinking big thoughts and creating big ideas without having to know how we will achieve them. Some conversations were right on the agenda. Some topics bubbled up while we were soaking in a hot tub or gnawing on barbecue for dinner.

If I think about my experience of being together with the two of them, living together with them for a few days . . . Well, if I think about it too much I will cry. They are bold and inspiring, and some of the greatest human beings I have ever known. Getting to spend time in person with them is a real treat.

We covered a lot of ground, from short term action plans to long-term dreams. But I was curious, now a couple weeks later, what were the highlights for them? We talked about this after everyone returned to their homes and families. Needless to say, I was thrilled with their take on the weekend:

Creating 2024 Together: The opportunity to collectively envision and shape the future of the company for the upcoming year served as a powerful catalyst for inspiration and motivation. With the groundwork laid in 2023, the retreat provided a blank canvas for creativity and innovation.

Magic in the Air: The act of sitting together and looking “eyeball to eyeball,” yielded a deep level of connection and commitment.

Safe Space and Trust: Being in a safe space with supportive colleagues underscored the importance of psychological safety in fostering creativity and collaboration. This trust gave us the freedom to express ourselves without fear of judgment and led to more authentic and meaningful contributions.

Partnership and Support: We know we have the full support of each other. Coming together and sharing bold ideas can be daunting, but feeling supported in expressing them is safe and validating. We understood that even if some ideas didn’t immediately resonate, they might contribute to future innovations. No bad ideas!

Culture of Winning: We are creating a space together and with the entire Athena Executive Services team that ensures success is not a zero-sum game, but rather a collective endeavor where each individual’s achievements contribute to the overall success of the company.

Diverse Approaches to Rejuvenation: Our discussion around team members’ diverse rejuvenation needs highlighted the importance of accommodating individual preferences for recharging and self-care. Not everyone recharges in the same way!

Our Responsibility as Managers: We really got into the significant impact a manager has on the lives of team members, clients, and their respective circles. Beyond direct interactions with team members and clients, we hold a broader responsibility for fostering an environment where fulfillment and success are prioritized.

Looking ahead to 2024, I asked Dorian and Jennifer who they were going to be in 2024 that stands on the shoulders of who they were in 2023?

They each had answers that were uniquely their own which I will hold to myself. But I will say that they are both looking to tackle 2024 with bold confidence! Our intention as a leadership team is clear: to empower and uplift team members, foster a culture where every team member feels valued, supported, and integral to the company’s success, and create a dynamic environment where the Athena team and our fabulous clients thrive!

It was so interesting for me to learn what the managers got from the retreat, and I wanted to share these highlights with all of you, because I think it paints a picture of what it’s like behind the curtain at our firm.

Gina Cotner, CEO, Athena Executive Services

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Interested in learning more about hiring your own Virtual Executive Assistant? Click here to schedule a free consultation with us.

 

 

 

 

What Does an Assistant Really Want to Do?

What FEEDS a high-caliber Executive Assistant? 

They want to be of Service to you!

You may think to yourself, “Really, they want to do this stuff that I absolutely do not want to do?” Yes, they do. “Really, they want to book my airline tickets and send out birthday cards? They want to help me iron out this issue with payroll, and look into better software to use for project management?” Yes, they do.

Not only do they want to do most all of those tasks and projects that you would find mind-numbing, annoying or soul-sucking, they want to do them with Excellence! They are after Excellence, I promise you. Nothing empowers an assistant more than knowing they “crushed it”!

What feeds them is you investing in them. This is, you helping them help you. You may think, “If I have to help them, then why am I even giving them this task to do?” Why? Because the direction and support you give them this week, will be the foundation for what they do next week. Next week you’ll feed them with a little more direction and support, and it will build on what they received last week. This week they will have new questions. Smarter and wiser questions.

Each week you’ll feed your assistant a little more direction and support. Then, exponentially, week by week they will become more and more valuable. Next month you will be able to say three sentences to them, and that task will get done, and it will get done the way you want. Why? Because of how well you invested in them last month.

Help them help you!

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Interested in learning more about hiring your own Virtual Executive Assistant? Click here to schedule a free consultation with us. 

 

 

 

 

Delegating: Take the Risk and Be Surprised

Athena CEO Gina Cotner was recently interviewed by Davina Frederick of Wealthy Woman Lawyer. The conversation moved into a discussion around delegating thinking:

I thought to myself, “Well, let’s just go there and see if I can start to speak somewhat intelligently about this.” Again, this is where I think the real freedom lies.

Yes – graduate level delegation is delegating thinking. Consider saying to your assistant (or someone who reports to you) something like:

  • “Go think about this please.”
  • “Go research this and tell me what you think and what questions you have.”
  • “What questions should I have?” 

The other graduate level delegation skill is to delegate an entire process or project, knowing that your assistant or whomever is working for you, doesn’t know much about the topic. And perhaps neither do you! Rather than you doing the initial research to figure something out and then delegating smaller pieces and parts of the next steps, you give the entire project to someone. After explaining what you think you want and what you are after,  you can then say, “This project is yours. I know you’ve never done this before, and neither have I. No problem. You please dive in. Lead the charge. Do some initial research. Let me know what you learn, what you think, what you see next steps might be and then let’s talk.” 

After this, the project is theirs. It belongs to them. Now you work for them. Now you work for your assistant. Your job is now to be a useful, valuable, responsive team player. 

Once they have done this initial research or an even deeper dive, you can start providing answers or asking more detailed and educated questions to partner in getting what you want done, DONE. This kind of partnership with your EA is an invaluable tool that will pay off huge once you get into a rythym! 

When you delegate more than you think someone can handle, or more than you think they are equipped to do, you will find out what they really are capable of! They may not be able to do 100% of what you have asked, but you may find that they can accomplish 90% and previously you would have bet they could only do 70%, but you got surprised while discovering that they are more capable than you thought. 

So… go experiment…and get surprised! 

 

 

 

Security and Confidentiality

How do Athena EAs manage confidentiality, discretion, and security? Our Executive Assistants operate with the highest level of integrity required – which is all-important when you have people’s personal lives and personal data in your hands.

Please know that our values are not kept in a binder or on a shelf collecting dust. They are not framed on wall soon to become as impactful as wallpaper! Our values are talked about and discussed regularly. They are a compass for everyone’s development here at Athena.